Last week I had my first appointment with my new GI Doctor. That is, my fourth GI doctor in two and a half years. By now, I should be used to the routine questioning that comes with any first doctor's appointment, but I gotta say, this one took the cake.
Are you on any medication?
Yes. [Tells her].
Any other medication?
Well, birth control, but it's not pills, it's the nuva ring.
Is that one of those where you only have four periods a year?
Um... no.
Because I always wondered... like everytime you have a period, is it three huge periods combined?
Um... I really don't know.
Do you smoke?
Nope.
Do you smoke EVER?
Looks at her quizically
...No.
Drink?
Yes.
How often?
Whenever possible.
Twice a week.
How many drinks?
Depends on who's buying.
Three beers.
Coke? Heroine?
Nope.
Tattoos?
Tattoos comes after heroine?
Yes.
Where?
Exactly where they can't be seen.
Here. And here.
Are they legal?
No, they're fucking prison tattoos. And they're right next to my track marks.
Yes.
And have you been having regular bowel movements?
...
And do they sink to the bottom?
?!?!?
Welcome to the world of a girl with both Colitis, and constantly changing health insurance. Love the questioning. LOVE IT.
And oh, BY THE WAY, the last question? Where did that come from?
No, seriously. I remember my parents going over the basics of... healthy pooing... like when we were really little... and sinking was never discussed. Like, "wipe front, then back" was covered, and "tell us immediately if it's ever red" was covered, and "snakes are not going to come out of the toilet and bit your bum while you're pooing, Bride" was even covered, but never once was I prepared for a doctor to one day question me on whether or not my poo sinks.
I'm still somewhat baffled.
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6 comments:
how did she go from three periods in one to illegal tattooes to coke and sinking poo?
That's pretty impressive.
Thats kind of funny.
I agree with DC.
I'm horrified she doesn't know more about birth control.
But yeah... does it stink?!? Does it sink?!?! Wow.
Here's a good, solid answer on the poo question: http://www.poopreport.com/Doctor/Content/float.html
i just went to the poopreport.com, and i sort of can't believe what i was reading... people talking very candidly about their poop! how does one decide that among the internet communities they will be a part of POOP will be one of them?
omg.
did you know that Oprah says your poo is really healthy when it's one long piece and shaped like the letter "S"?
true story.
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